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  • Writer's pictureKen Lubin

The Top 5 Things NOT to Do on an Interview (with a Dash of Sarcasm)

Job interviews can be like a circus act—high stakes, nerves, and the potential for unexpected surprises. While we want you to succeed, it's equally entertaining to discuss the common blunders candidates make during interviews. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy this sarcastic take on the top five things you absolutely shouldn't do during an interview. Seriously, don't do them.

  1. Arriving Unprepared: Why bother researching the company, its values, or the industry? Who needs that valuable insight? Just wing it! Show up clueless and let the interviewer marvel at your lack of interest and commitment. Forget about standing out from the crowd with thoughtful questions and intelligent conversation. Improvise your way through the interview like a jazz musician who's never seen sheet music. That'll surely impress them!

  2. Appearing Disinterested or Arrogant: Confidence is overrated, right? Slouch in your chair, cross your arms, and give off an air of complete disinterest. Show the interviewer how unimpressed you are with their company and the role you're interviewing for. Who needs enthusiasm or engagement anyway? Bonus points for rolling your eyes and checking your watch repeatedly. You've got better things to do, like watching paint dry.

  3. Speaking Negatively About Past Employers: Gossip and trash talk make for excellent interview conversation topics. Complain about your previous boss, colleagues, or how your cat could have done a better job running the company. Employers love to hear all about your inability to get along with others and your excellent skills in sabotage. Remember, badmouthing past experiences is like giving a golden ticket to the unemployment factory.

  4. Lacking Confidence in Your Abilities: Why should you believe in yourself when you can undermine your own skills? Downplay your achievements, belittle your talents, and apologize for even daring to think you're qualified for the position. Be a master of self-deprecation and impress the interviewer with your remarkable ability to self-sabotage. And don't forget to mention that time you spelled your own name wrong on your resume. Classic!

  5. Neglecting Professionalism: Who needs professionalism when you can make the interview a casual hangout session? Show up in your pajamas, eat a bag of chips during the interview, and answer questions with "yeah," "nah," or "whatever, dude." Remember, it's all about being comfortable and showing your true, unfiltered self. Send a follow-up email with an emoji-filled subject line and sign it with "xo" to seal the deal. You're hired!

Alright, enough sarcasm for one day. In all seriousness, interviews are important opportunities to showcase your best self. Avoiding these comedic don'ts—being unprepared, disinterested, negative, lacking confidence, and neglecting professionalism—can significantly increase your chances of success. So, go out there, be prepared, show enthusiasm, stay positive, exude confidence, and maintain professionalism. And if you manage to add a sprinkle of humor, well, that's just the icing on the cake. Good luck, you hilarious go-getter!


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